4th of July

4th of July had always been hard for Celeste...the same way that motherhood was hard for her. It all seemed like too much.

On July 3rd, 2000, she tried cocaine for the first time and fell in love. She always told herself that she would never do cocaine or heroin. Those two were off limits because that was what her dad did, and she was NOTHING like him. She fell in love with cocaine the same way she fell in love with alcohol. It was her solution. It took all the pain away and she couldn’t wait to celebrate the following day with her newfound love. They started early, on the 4th of July, in her favorite little beach town. She had a group of friends that all partied the way she liked to party. They started out at someone’s ocean view apartment and made their way to different parties along the boardwalk.

The entire day was devoted to finding where there was more cocaine. She was already seeking it out, like a full-blown drug addict, and had only just tried it the day before. When she couldn’t find more, Celeste just kept drinking…all through the day and well into the night.

Her group of friends wandered into the local bar, and she looked down to realize that she lost her shoes and could barely stand up. They quickly got kicked out of the bar and had to make their way back to her boyfriend’s house. As she wove through all the people partying, she could barely stay on the curb, and couldn’t really see straight.

The first 4th of July, in 2001, that she experienced sober was strange and unfamiliar. They all ended up feeling that way, each year. She ended up hating the 4th of July. The little beach town that she lived in would get so crowded and crazy. It wasn’t fun anymore.

In 2008, on the 4th of July, she met her son’s biological father. He was sitting on the steps at a house where all her sober friends were hanging out while she was laying out in the front yard. He mentioned what a great body she had. She hadn’t really noticed him earlier in the day but looked up to see a man that was gorgeous! She was sure he would want nothing to do with her…. especially since she was dating the guy who owned the house. She paid no attention to him and hopped on the back of her friend’s motorcycle and rode around the town the rest of the day. It was so fun and exhilarating!

A few days later she got a text message from the guy at the party, asking if he could take her out. She thought that was so bold of him and how did he get her number? She was upset with their mutual friend for giving out her number without asking first. The first red flag should have been that night when he asked her if she was into BSDM. She had no idea what he was talking about…. but a year later she would realize what he was referring to…

The first time they went out was after a recovery meeting. He was waiting for her in the parking lot and she was very unsure about going out with him. She didn’t know anything about him. He had a great story about how he was wronged in his life and he turned it around by creating a non-profit organization that he ran, etc. etc. Little did she know that he was telling this same story to all the other women he was sleeping with. He was charming, charismatic, and VERY believable. He told her he wanted to marry her. He told her he wanted to have children with her. He later abandoned her, after finding out she was pregnant.

The series of unfortunate events on the 4th of July did not end there. In 2016, on the 4th of July, she decided that she would take a few of her prescription pain pills to take the edge of the tension she felt in her marriage. She popped a few prior to going to her mom’s bbq and then continued her high through the evening while watching fireworks with her family. This was the beginning of her last and final relapse.

#addict #alcoholic #adultchildofalcoholic #everywoman #everywomanhasastory #cocaine #4thofjuly